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Friday, November 25, 2011

Face it Lady! He's Cheating on You!!

During my first year of working here I was put into one of the funniest and most awkward situations ever.  EVER!  All because a  husband screwing a broad that wasn't his wife. 

Let me back it up for you. 

At the time, I worked with contractors who placed buried lines to get services to your home.  If your home requires the services to be buried the process goes a lil' something like this.... You place your order with us, an alert comes through to my department saying your address needs to have a conduit buried before any service can be installed in the home.  We send the alert to the contractor who then does a utility locate, which is where we alert ALL the other public utilities that may have services buried in your front yard, people comes, spray paint where those other utility lines are, then my contractor comes to your home to survey what the best possible path would be so we don't disrupt any electric, water, or other communications services while digging to place your new service.  I know right??  Sounds complicated but it goes pretty smooth. 

So I received a phone call one day from a guy asking about our buried process.  I told him that people would be by his house multiple times throughout the week to get everything set up for his service install.  This guy took it as an opportune time to have his mistress over and lie about who it was to his wife.  I'm guessing the husband and mistress had a pretty good romp that day.  According to the neighbor, who then told the wife, there was a red Pontiac parked in the driveway most of the day.  I'm assuming when the wife questioned her husband about the mysterious vehicle, he told her that it was one of our company cars.  Lol, I mean what emotionally beaten down housewife wouldn't buy it right?  Right?!  

So I get a series of calls that will forever be laughed at in my department:

Me: Hi Thanks for calling, what concerns can I help you address today??

The wife:  Well, I need to know why there was a red Pontiac parked at my home for 6 hours on Tuesday.

Me: umm?  Ma'am could you further explain what's going on? I'm not too sure who you need me to call or what you need me to do....

The wife:  weelllllll, according to my neighbor there was a red car that showed up shortly after I left work and left a little before I got home.  My husband is telling me that it was one of your female supervisor who came over to locate the property and make sure everything in the house was ready to go.  But I don't understand why she was here for 6 hours.

Me: Well, I don't quite understand what's happening.  We surely do send out a contractor to survey the property, but I do know for a fact that the contractors do not come into your home or they aren't supposed to anyway....

........I could hear the light bulb go off in this woman's head.....

The wife:  Soooo just do me a favor and call your contractor and see if the surveyor drives a red car please?

Me:  sure thing, I'll return your call as soon I find out.  *hangs up*

BAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA, this guy really thought he'd get away with this?!

I call the contractor and lo' and behold, no one there drives a red Pontiac.  They all drive company trucks.  My contractor and I have a good giggle over the husbands stupidity and what we assume the situation to be.  I compose myself and brace myself for what's sure to be a pretty awkward call back. 

Me: Um Hi, Ma'am?  This is Kelly, I just spoke with you earlier about...

The wife: *quickly interrupts me* Yeah yeah, I know, so?  who was it that was here?  and why were they here for so long?

Me:  Well I hate to be no help here, but no one at my contractor's company drives a red car that would have been there on Tuesday.  And to clarify a little more, we don't have any female surveyors at that company... in fact we don't have any female workers that would have been there on the company side or the contractor side because the local manager on the company side of things is a male. 

The wife:  So you're telling me you don't know who it was?

My inner thought:  Yeah ya idiot, didn't you hear me?! 

Me:  No ma'am, I can't help you answer that.  Is there anything else? 

The wife: *click* 

... she didn't even say bye! UGH!!! HOW RUDE!

So about 2 minutes later I get a call from on my direct work line from the husband!! Stupid me forgot to block my number when I called the wife back so she relayed my number to him when she confronted him about who was there at their home and he denied.

Me:  Hi this is Kelly....

The husband: Yeah, what the fuck, you just told my wife about a red car being here on Tuesday and that it didn't belong to your contractor? 

....I contemplate hanging up, but this shit is just too good.....

Me:  Yes I did sir, she asked me to question my contractor about it, they said no one drives a red car for business purposes and I told her I didn't know who the female at your house would have been.

The husband:  You're lying!!  You're trying to destroy my marriage aren't you??  Listen, you better call my wife back and tell her that you lied about this, SHE'S GOING TO LEAVE ME!

Me:  Sir, your personal issues have nothing to do with me.  I work in customer service, I am not a mediator.  I am not calling your wife back. 

The husband:  *click* hangs up....

....about 20 seconds pass by....  my phone rings again....

Me: hi this is Kelly....

The husband:  Listen, I need you to call her back and tell her there has been a misunderstanding, that the car was someone associated with your company.

Me: Sir, I can't do that.

The husband:  Listen, I need you to do that.  My marriage depends on it... if she knows I did this again, she will pick up and leave with my kids.  I need you to call her back.

Me: Sir, surely I am not going to lie to your wife.  It is not my business, it is not my job, and it breaks girl code.  It's low, sad and I'm ending this call.  *hang up*

5 minutes later....*phone rings again*  this time it's the wife.

Me: This is Kelly.....

The wife:  Oh thank you so much for clearing this up for me. 

.....a little confused.......
Me:  No problem ma'am, I wish you good luck with everything.

The wife:  Yeah, my husband just called me and said that there was a huge misunderstanding,  that the red car in fact belonged to one of the employees of the contractor and that they had to use there personal car that day  because their company truck had died.  This is such a huge relief, I almost though he was... welp, never mind, anyway Kelly, I'm sorry to have bothered you so much with this ridiculousness.  Have a great day OK??

*completely dumbfounded* ....son of a bitch got away with it!

Me: K, no problem BYE! 

.........So don't judge me!!!!  Don't sit there and say... "Kelly you could have told...."  NO NO NO!!!  That woman was stupid enough to believe that lying dog and his outlandish story, well then she deserves him!  Please refer to my other post where I told you I am not a therapist.  I wasn't lying for him and I surely wasn't going to tell her something she should have already been smart enough to realize.  I refuse.  My co-workers and I still laugh about that couple to this day.

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